drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
