I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
