ya dads aren't the best wingmen
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
