i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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