She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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