Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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