I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
