Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
COCAINE IS GR8
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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