Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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