she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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