Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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