this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
