Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
