Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
