Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Did I show you my penis last night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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