yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
