I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
