I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
