you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize