honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
