You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
