Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My liver just broke up with me...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
