If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
