and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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