it wasn't lemon gatorade
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
