oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize