Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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