I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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