He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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