I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
