What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
