I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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