The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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