Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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