Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
