So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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