Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize