just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
