This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
