He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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