I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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