i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
