My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
