If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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