Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
