...so i touched it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize