Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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