I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
