I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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