just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
