We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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