just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
