the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she looked like the before picture.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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