she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We are all done wearing pants today
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
