I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
