I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize