census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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