My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
