there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
