do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
