ADVERTISEMENT

• (810): View more from Michigan

  You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Experience is the best teacher

  Fav 2 2051 969

  share tweet
  

• (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

  Fav 9 1346 3068

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

  Fav 69 7917 3308

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes

  Fav 28 1528 5388

  share tweet
  

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.

  Fav 25 1491 5039

  share tweet
  

• (305): View more from Florida

  He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

  Fav 310 11767 6072

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (713): View more from Texas

  He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.

  Fav 8 910 2469

  share tweet
  

• (520): View more from Arizona

  normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

  Fav 11 4525 1543

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?

  Fav 5 2354 835

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.

  Fav 10 1073 2092

  share tweet
  

• (530): View more from California

  We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.

  Fav 8 2159 805

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways

  Fav 1 888 576

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.

  Fav 0 45 29

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now

  Fav 0 90 19

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (931): View more from Tennessee

  How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die

  Fav 0 20 18

  share tweet
  

Randomize