my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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