I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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