I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
