hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
