I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
