I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
