I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
