advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
